Faith Friday: In Heaven

I had to let it out. So I cried again. I felt I haven’t been soaking in His presence. I’ve been neglecting Him all week long. I was so caught up with something that I hardly had time for my Father. I was so enamored with what declarations could offer me.

I left for a week. Maybe more. But just one day, He called me. Not again.

But that’s just how I really am my child?

Yeah.

Remember my promise??

Yep.

Remember?

Yes Lord.

You never learn. But I still love you. Its called grace.

I’m sorry. That’s all I could say. Sorry. I don’t want to promise anything. Help me on this. I know You will.

When was the last time I REALLY sang with the angels?!? In the heavens?!?

That one day. I was in heaven. I forgot I was singing in front of many. All I had in mind was God was my only audience. Away with my inhibitions. At last!

I had to yield. I had to let it out. My heart had to shout. So tears rolled down again my cheek.

Awesome.


posted by: blueberry010 at May 13, 2004 09:43
NOTE: Reposting my old blog entries from my Motime account. This is just the first.

Hear Me Roar

Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez made a statement the other day that UP has been a breeding ground for destabilizers and naked runners. Reading the article here made me reflect on how UP has educated me. Somehow, there is truth to this as UP students and graduates…even government officials from the state university are always at the forefront of rallies. My school is famous for having ‘tibak’ students. Having such strong personalities, intelligence, and the courage to fight for what we think is right, we are often misunderstood as deviants.

UP education has taught its students..me, especially to be pro-active…to fight for what is right, express ourselves, speak up, and simply do what we think is best for the country and good of the greater men. I firmly believe that UP has a lot to do with the way I am now. In my own “little” ways, I am somewhat like those who tend to go against the norm. Though when I was in UP, I was never an ‘aktibista’. I never joined any rallies because I did not want to take any risk. I mean..it’s UP. Even if I wanted to join I just couldn’t because I didn’t have the heart to sacrifice comfort and never would I want to be sent to jail if worse comes to worst. I was such a baby in school. Too timid and lazy to fight with those who fight for the common people. But my ideologies…my principles…and my ways…they still are very much like most UP students.—deviant most of the time, aggressive, highly idealistic, expressive, and restless.

Didn’t most of the officials running our contry nowadays graduate from UP? Those who have been successful, bad, and aggressive are all from UP. And those who are quiet and obviously do not know what they are saying are from, what some CMC professors would desribe as “others”. I do not need to enumerate them. The country still looks up to UP as the premier university. And the students, I still believe, are the best. The only problem is that we do not have enough resources that is why students from other private universities are now highly favored,estemmed,given better opportunities, and higher salaries.

I admit I am a destabilizer in my own little ways. I have the tendency to often stand up for what I think is right even if others think otherwise. I have a reputation to always snap at people when I know they are wrong. I am what I am. I express my opinions more often now than in school. So much for analyzing and rationalizing this, I always look for reasons and explanations to satisfy my soul.
I am always being scolded at by parents because I talk back. I write e-mails to those in authority. I ask for explanations from people. I ask about the point of paying for gravy when its for take out when they’re supposed to be giving it for free. I ask why a small package can’t be included in a larger item to be gift-wrapped for free at SM. I ask questions. I seek for reasons. Almost always, I look at the bad side of things. I am not afraid to disagree with the options presented. I do not accept a simple sorry without sound explanations. I always send an e-mail the most inefficient department at our company. I tell those people older than me when I don’t like what they have done(of course with respect). Perhaps the only things I have not done are to investigate, check with SEC or BBB, sue a company, and rally.

Such actions may be deemed inappropriate. I know. A lot of people has been reprimanding me. My family thinks that I am always looking for trouble. The heck, there is trouble everywhere. The problem with the Filipinos, the world even, is that they do not know when to speak up. They simply go with the current and become oblivious to the hurtings. I’ve always been a hater of injustice. In a big or small world, there is injustice that ought to be changed. The world would not be an interesting place to live in though if everything is fair and beautiful.

Destablizers. Naked runners. Justice Gonzalez sees UP as mere enemies.

I doff my hat to them because they initiate the running of naked people… That’s also one kind of culture that they develop there,” he said,

There is a indeed culture that is uniquely UP. I am most proud of that. He simply does not understand that the Oblation Run is an expression of freedom and not an opportunity for mere exhibitionists. Hear that–NOT.

“They should consider the fact that the state is the one paying for their schooling. Why fight the state? Why try to bring it down. I think some degree of gratitude should be there also,” he said.

I am forever grateful to my UP education. Grateful to the kind of person I am now. Gonzalez, however, should bear in mind that those people at the forefront are not always fighting the state. These people are not simply bring the state down because what they are doing is for a greater cause. That is, for corrupt to know that they are being watched and that they are not gonna get away with whatever mysteries they are doing.

In my own little ways I am expressive. I do not care what others might think of my actions that’s why I always get in trouble. I hop from one argument to another and I never get tired. I guess it is just desire to quench my thirst for answers. Seeking for explanations. Wanting to be heard….proudly Peyups.

February 2006

Saturday, February 25

I think I need a few drops of Eye-mo. You see, I was in front of the computer yesterday for about 17 hours. I came in to the office at 7 am , logged out at 5 pm , traveled from office to our house in less than 30 minutes, then yeah, turned on my pc and found myself again in front of the pc. So what did I do exactly in front  of it? Nothing. Just chat and read stuff …visit lame Friendster, do keyword research, conceptualize, plan, write those Bora thingie, etc. Not even the rallyists near our house had the power to stop me. I know I should be downstairs watching the news and praying that what was happening would just stop. But no I didn’t. I deliberately chose to heed to the call of my pc.

And today…guess what I did? Simple—abused my eyes more. I woke up at about 9, dragged myself out of bed, successfully stopped myself from turning on the pc, and just went downstairs. Grabbed some sandwhich, turned on the tv, popped One Tree Hill’s season 1 dvd 1, sat comfortably on the rocking chair, and didn’t stop til 4 pm! Oh yeah…I was watching DVD  for freaking 6.5 hours! I just love Saturdays!!! Maaan…when I have the TV and DVD all to myself. Well.. almost. I said I would be done after 2 DVDs but you know me…I’ll never pass up that kind of opportunity. I know I should be more cautious and save electricity more so when last month’s bill blew up by 1000 grand. My fault. A month after I ‘Smartly’ got connected..ayun. And the DVD…I think I’ve abused the player more than anyone else in the house. I have this habit of having a DVD marathon when I get home early or when its my day off(anubeh..parang katulong). Tsktsktsk…poor pc and DVD player. Can I help it if they’re my only form of entertainment nowadays?

So I’ll be on the GY shift next week…great! That means I could finish Season 1 and Season 2 of One Tree Hill and perhaps watch 3 movies in between…EVERYDAY when I get home. This is what I call LIFE…ahahahaha! Saya!

posted by: blueberry010 at February 25, 2006 19:39 | link | comments (2) |
raves

Friday, February 24
All For Love

The cry of my heart…

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucfied

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Drawn near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

Artist: Hillsong United
Album: Look To You
Track: All For Love

 

posted by: blueberry010 at February 24, 2006 08:41 | link | comments (1) |
the walk

Thursday, February 23

Two more weeks beybeh…2 more weeks and it’s freedom for me! Not that I’m getting out of something..Josh’ll be finishing his requirements in school then just wait to officially graduate. It’s been dificult for me these past weeks because we can’t always go out and talk on the phone for hours like we used to. Diligent as he is, he studies so hard and it just pisses me off. Mainly because I wasn’t like that during college. I wasn’t too diligent and I only studied during exams. After 10 years of being an A student, I decided not to work hard in college . But Josh is…you know..he’s not the geeky type but he’s just that…diligent and hard-working.  And man, can’t wait til he finally graduates..wink wink..

posted by: blueberry010 at February 23, 2006 21:37 | link | comments |
raves

Tuesday, February 14

 

posted by: blueberry010 at February 14, 2006 22:16 | link | comments |

I Want!

 

    The image says it all. I want an iPod Video. Last year, I told myseld
I’m never selling Polly(my mini) but I’ve been browsing through apple.com
quite a lot lately and seriously contemplating on buying one. Okay…
I’ve got no money  but I will find a way. Just like last year, I so wanted
to buy an ipod … it took me 3 months to save before
I could buy that blue mini.
Good thing my cousin went to Singapore so I asked him
to just buy it there at a lower price.
But now I don’t know…I’m willing to part with ‘her’.
Or maybe I’d just hand her over to my brother. Grabe grabe…
here I go again.
I guess I’d have to work harder and generate more kaching-kaching.

Heck..I still haven’t bought the digicam I want.

This…

 

Canon Ixus 750

 

I could die if it finally falls into my lap. Hehe.

Seriously…I so want these stuff I’m willing to do any freelance work
and sell my Havaianas pairs—not! ehehe…


posted by: blueberry010 at February 14, 2006 21:40 | link | comments (7) |

Saturday, February 11

I  wish life was simpler…I honestly don’t know what is happening to me…I hope to pull myself and get my act together..but  hey..it ain’t  that easy anymore…I used to be this girl..so vibrant..so understanding..so sensible…but now I don’t know..so many things have changed…

Moi used to be this girl that can do a lot of great things …all at the same time…now she can’t even do a simple thing the right way…somehow..she got tired of the way things were going..not even the most important people in the world can make her believe otherwise…she cries over the simplest things…cries a lot over the corniest movies..the lamest lines…and over the stupidest imaginations…

I don’t know why and how…but somehow..the old self has gone..sometimes  she visits…more often than not.. she’s dead…maybe she just got tired of doing everything she can…greatly …but unnoticed…

Sigh..

(don’t mind me…it’s just one of those days when my hormones are down and when I think that the whole world is against me..)

posted by: blueberry010 at February 11, 2006 20:58 | link | comments (3) |
rants

January 2006

Saturday, January 28
Iskulbukol

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…I really wanna to go back to school come June.

posted by: blueberry010 at January 28, 2006 18:56 | link | comments (2) |
mirror

Off to Narnia

The great CS Lewis knew what he was doing when he wrote all 7 books of Chronicles of Narnia. I read all seven books within one week last year. Yep, one book per day. I got so into the series that I named my iPod after one of the characters—Polly.  And just last week, I got to see “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, the 2nd book in the series, which actually, is the first book he wrote. Lewis happened to write a prequel to that to explain how the Land of Narnia came about.

Reading those books made me even prouder to be a Christian. The Biblical symbolisms are very much evident, that is, if you know your Bible. Watching the movie made me remember of how God creative is, was, and will forever be, and this creativity He bestows upon writers like CS Lewis.

The teachings were so clear in the series that Christians could easily identify. Most obvious of which is the story of Salvation. In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Aslan sacrificed it-himself to save Edmund from the White Witch. In reality, Jesus Christ died on the cross to save mankind from eternal damnation. Edmund Pevensie represents the whole of humanity as fallen from grace…as sinners. The White Witch of course is the Enemy, so cruel and so deceiving. Aslan, a lion, a perfect allegory to Jesus’ Lion of Judah’ is seen as someone so great, revered by all, and feared by The Witch. The Enemy here, The Witch, is beautiful because that’s what the devil can be and can do…he can deceive man into thinking that all things beautiful are good…that a good and abundant life is possible if you lean on the “best side”. Satan is like that, deceitful at all times. He lures God’s people to his side by offering a lot of seemingly ‘good’ things in the world. Remember what he did in beginning? Satan, in the form of a serpent, tricked Eve into partaking of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.

Peter Pevensie, the eldest of the four siblings, reminded me of Peter the Rock. In the New Testament, Jesus once said to Peter that He will be a ‘rock’ and upon it He’ll build His church. Aslan’s death reminded me of Jesus’ suffering before he was nailed on the Cross. The Lion’s dramatic death is similar to how it was written in the Bible. And the line “It is finished”…perfected the scene.

This is just one book I am discussing. Just imagine the wonders you can read on many levels in other CS Lewis’ works. The rest of the book in the Chronicles of Narnia Series, speak of many teachings. From “The Magician’s Nephew” about the Creation to the “The Last Battle” of the Revelation, Clive Staples Lewis brings to the imagination of many people the life we can have in Christ as He wants us to have.

As of the moment, I am reading Lewis’ “The Screwtape Letters“. I am not expecting it would become a movie because it talks about ‘hell’s latest novelties and heaven’s unanswerable answer”. So let’s just leave it that way…uhm yes, a book. I don’t think I wanna watch 2 devils exchanging letters eh? 

 

posted by: blueberry010 at January 28, 2006 08:20 | link | comments (3) |

Sunday, January 08

This day last year, two hearts became officially one. Not in marriage but in a spoken and written commitment that they will forever love one another under the influence of their Matchmaker.

The girl went to the guy’s university and surprised him. The guy, still a student, had no idea what the girl he loves was doing there. She told him she went to her alma mater to get some stuff so she decided to drop by his.

And so they went to the parking lot because the guy was so hungry and wanted to have lunch right away. But the girl stopped her love from turning the car keys, handed him the card she wrote the other night, prayed, and cried over.

Her heart was beating so hard she could have fainted. She was wearing a yellow top that day…deliberately..because she insists she is the Yellow character in Trina Paulus’ story and her beloved, Stripe.

The guy opened the card and read it slowly…heart also beating fast. He almost cried when he finally saw the words, “And now, you can finally tell the world..that your bestfriend is now your girlfriend.” He looked up and saw her showing something that says ‘yes’. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. The guy kept on asking the girl but the girl was just smiling….almost crying. They held hands and promised love for each other.

They went off to have their lunch in some restaurant. They prayed to God and thanked Him for what He’s doing and still going to do. They’ve known each other since they were kids, been bestfriends for years, and now official and can publicly say that, ‘yes, there is Josh and Reah.”

One year later,  a lot has happened already. They’ve hurt each other many times, a handful of breaking-up threats, dozens of movie dates, thousands spent, shed buckets of tears, and more…but still, their undying love for each other just grows into His glory everyday.

Josh and Reah may never be the perfect couple in this lifetime but they are striving to become righteous because of their love for the Father, their families, friends, and their future. They believe that indeed, True Love Waits. That as they possibly took things in stride before there became a ‘they’…Yellow and Stripe will also wait in God’s perfect timing before they become one…and two separate beautiful butterflies…flying high under the heavens.

 

posted by: blueberry010 at January 08, 2006 06:46 | link | comments (7) |
amorish

Saturday, January 07
What a Year it Was

It was the first time I slept through New  Year’s Eve. I couldn’t control my drowsiness so I went to my room after my sister, bro-in-law, Nav, and boyfriend left. It was also the first time I spent that special event with Stripe and boy was I so glad. I like it better when we spend time together either at his place or mine. That way, we get to be with our families.
Enough. My entries lately overflow with eeecky mushiness. With what our 1st year anniversary is coming up, expect to read more about me and Josh.

So…it’s already 2006. Seems like only yesterday when people were greatly anticipating the dawn of the new millennium. And now, 6 years later..the world is still the same…only warmer, smaller, and a little bit more complicated.

Year  2005 passed by so quickly for me. A lot of good has happened but I can’t seem to say that it has been better than the past years.  Though God has been especially gracious, His child is unusually feeling this way.

And so I promise to feel and do a lot better this year…to have a more positive outlook, be less evil, and be more productive, and hopefully.. generate more kaching-kaching! The Almighty Father has been missing me I know and I promise to make worship my topmost priority. I’ll make 2006 more special , make the most of my days and spend more days in His court.

posted by: blueberry010 at January 07, 2006 09:05 | link | comments |
class z

December 2005

Wednesday, December 28
skip skip

Stolen from someone else’s blog

FOUR JOBS YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1 – Student Assistant
2 – Research Assistant
3 – TV Researcher
4 – Web Copywriter/SEO Specialist..at ngayon..Senior and Mother Hen … =)

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1 – Shrek
2 – A Walk to Remember
3 – Just Like Heaven
4 – Harry Potter movies

FOUR PLACES YOU’VE LIVED
1 – Mandaluyong (For life!)
2 –
3 –
4 –

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH (currently on-air)
1 – Extra Challenge
2 – Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
3 – Will and Grace
4 – Friends

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH on DVD
I haven’t but I wanna watch all seasons of the abovementioned shows. J

FOUR PLACES YOU’VE BEEN ON VACATION
1- Bataan
2- Baguio
3-  Pasig..(cge na nga..)
4-
(siyaks ‘to lang…pathetic..)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1- google.com/adsense …hehehe
2- motime
3- yahoo mail
4- webserver/srf  and server16/seotools for proj mgmt  server16/intranet to order food …(pathetic talaga…)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1- French fries!!!
2- fried chicken
3- chocolate mousse
4- tinola

FOUR PLACES YOU’D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1- Heaven
2- Joshua’s arms
3- home
4- our matrimonial bed (wink wink…matrimonial..so pag married na  )

posted by: blueberry010 at December 28, 2005 09:36 | link | comments (4) |
mirror

Tuesday, December 27
a not so merry christmas

It’s true to say than when you get older, gifts come in less. Gone are the days when Christmas gifts and cash would just pour in. How I wish I am young again so I’d just receive and not worry about what to give and to whom.

I had a hard time feeling the spirit of Christmas this year. It was only on the 23rd when I felt it. Thanks to the extraordinarily cold weather that day. Christmas shopping and wrapping gifts for friend and relatives didn’t do me good either. It was difficult for me to feel it. I can’t figure out why.

Even writing this entry is hard for me. I am always online and got lots of extra time to blog but my mind, heart, and fingers just can’t.

Tsk ..tsk..tsk…somewhat depressing for a young woman like me.

I’ve got more reasons to have a merrier Christmas but I didn’t. As compared to last year, I’ve got more moolah because I received my first full 13th month pay(which I all spent within a week),  got a boyfriend, I got promoted, got thinner (or so I think), etc….and surprisingly, I am HAPPIER. But why o why, I didn’t catch the Christmas fever. Sigh.

posted by: blueberry010 at December 27, 2005 13:38 | link | comments (2) |
rants

Thursday, December 08

It’s amazing how one person is able to love another who’s as crazy as hell. How stripe manages to stay and be patient with me, I have no idea. God has been so good to us even if 1/2 of the relationship is totally insane–yep, me. We’ve been having a lot of fights lately but grace holds us together. The Author knows what He’s doing. I get so irritated easily with my ‘Hari ng Sablay’. I think it’s just normal to rant and rant about every little thing and tell ’em to Josh. Luck me,  my guy is so kind and understanding. I know I’ll never meet someone like him. Eversince we were kids, I am drawn to him in a very weird way.

11 months and counting….WOW.

Exactly 2 years from now..I wish one of my greatest dreams will come true.

***

posted by: blueberry010 at December 08, 2005 08:50 | link | comments (10) |
amorish

November 2005

Tuesday, November 22
untitled

Wait.Its gonne be worth it.

Time goes slowly
Placidly amidst the truth
It’ll be sooner than one thinks
Than what you pray for

Awaken. Love that was.

Kept for so long
Carefully put into place
So as not to mess
The bond you so cherish

Destiny. There is truth to it.

It just lies out there
Not wandering as known
Quietly it lands
On enduring hands
Loving hearts
Beautiful minds

Love. Such a strong word.

It goes before you
Creeps into your soul
Lurks unknowingly
To those who believe
There is someone
The heavens
Would graciously give

~~~ written about 2 yours ago. reposted for my friend and officemate rhiz.

posted by: blueberry010 at November 22, 2005 08:15 | link | comments (4) |
pompoms

Thursday, November 10
unhappy birthday

sigh..i miss my guitarman. it’s his birthday today and i still don’t have a gift. what’s worse is that we’re not talking. i wonder what’ll happen tonight. i’m not sure if he’s coming with us. but i wont budge. i hope he realizes the things i want him to realize. i dont mean to make this a not so happy birthday for him but it’s his fault. shoot.

i am such a bad girlfriend.

yeah.

sigh.

posted by: blueberry010 at November 10, 2005 05:46 | link | comments (3) |
amorish

October 2005

Friday, October 21
Wala Lang….

After my Clickthecity-ish posts, I have finally decided to revive my blog and get serious with it. I haven’t been in the mood lately to blog. And yeah, I’m pretty sure you notice it.i’ve got lots to talk about but by fingers won’t let me. Even if I’m always online. ….my will says no and I dont  have the luxury of time either. Blog entries sit on my office pc and never find their way to  cyberworld. Now, allow me rant and rave in snippets. I just want you to update on what has happened, is happening, and will happen..Read  on.

> My officemate Rheena decided to leave for Shanghai. She’s there already. It was so unexpected. I had a hint it was coming but didn’t think about it could be a reality and that soon. I was for a moment shocked when I heard the news from other people but the moment the truth hit me…I was disoriented. I knew her leaving would mean something for me and that would mean more responsibility. But I guess God has other plans for her and for me. I am happy that she’s finally one step closer to her dreams. I know how much she wants that to happen …and now she’s gone…onto the land of the chinky-eyed and bicycles. I remember her saying, “opportunity knocks only once so I might as well grab it”.

Her leaving did me good however. I knew that her responsibility would be cascaded to me. I knew how much the boss was crushed with the decision so I promised him I’ll stay and won’t leave the team just yet. So for more than a month or so, I am a hen mothering 4 beautiful SEO chicks…all smart and talented…in-charge of what could be the country’s elite SEO gurus..hehe.  The weekly pep talks by macalua is getting to me…uugh!

> A few days after I found out of the changes at work, I experienced something so bad..i was deeply hurt and disappointed. My brother reformatted our pc and  unfortunately..very  unfortunately…missed  to copy my folder . It was so funny because that morning, I was only thinking of how i’d feel if my blog entries are deleted when motime suddenly decides to shut it down. I know I’d be very disappointed..but hey, not that soon. Why do I have to go through such? My files were so important. That missed folder had all my school papers, thesis, published and unpublished essays, poems, and plans for the future. Sayang. I was so nanghihinayang talaga. The moment I found out about it..(i had to find out for myself pa)…i screamed and hated my brother for what he did..or rather undid..i was throwing a fit. I so forgot my temper I pounded the mouse and the monitor.i was screaming so hard and stomping.. our house was shaking..(exag..but just imagine my anger..). I was outraged! I was trying to calm myself but failed. I thought I was going to have a heart attack . I was even having a hard time breathing. I was bawling like a kid..like crazy. And man…i just wont stop. My brother locked himself up in his room and we didn’t talk for days. I asked my boyfriend to call me. Talking to him didn’t do any good either because i was crying the whole time. He had to endure one crazy girlfriend. I was so depressed. The times and the thought I’ve spent on my writings were suddenly put into oblivion…into nowhere…into nothing. Just that. Kaput. Zero. Zilch. Nada. No more…i have nothing to show to the world . Just this, and this, a small magazine space, and 1/4 of a newspaper. My precious words are lost. I am silenced.

> The next day, I went crazy coz I found out that Polly (my mini) had a small chip off her edge. I still don’t know how it happened. Knowing that made me more what to buy an ipod photo in the future. I won’t sell Polly though, I’d probably give her to my bro. But not anytime soon, gimme at least a year and allow me to buy and itrip first. Wink wink.

> As already mentioned, macalua‘s pep talks are getting to me. His vision of being the Philippine’s top SEO gurus is appealing to me. Being in the industry for more than a year now has allowed me to know the wonders of search engine optimization. I more than like to make it happen. All I need is a new pc and a DSL connection. Calling all sponsors…

So there..this entry sounds so pilit though. Gawd.

+++

Here are few sites I find so interesting. Feel free to visit ’em and tell me what you think.

posted by: blueberry010 at October 21, 2005 14:55 | link | comments (7) |

Thursday, October 20

crap…

posted by: blueberry010 at October 20, 2005 14:15 | link | comments (1) |