The Conflict of Conflict

Conflict. Everybody hates the word yet everybody is prone to starting one. And when there is conflict, most people just tend to avoid it–acting as if nothing happened.

We all need to deal with difficult people and since we are difficult people ourselves, it becomes quite a great challenge. The result of such conflicts, more often than not, are destructive. The right thing to do is to resolve them. Even before it starts, you can choose to avoid being hurt or being the one to cause the hurt.

I am not the best person to talk about resolving conflicts because I am still dealing with a few. I believe that things happen not only for a reason but for many reasons—mainly to teach each one of us of our weaknesses and to finally see that changes must be done.

Conflicts are inevitable. You can’t say, “I’m okay. I’m a good person. I have no enemy. I haven’t hurt anyone.” I used to think this way but one thing I learned, YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THINK. You are not pleasing everybody with your words and actions. Not all people will agree with your honesty, good intentions, and faith.  Not everybody will enjoy your sarcasm. Not everybody will like how you’ve stand up for your own rights. Not everybody will like you for questioning injustice. Not everyone will understand why you chose to fight. No one likes to be told they are wrong.

It can be painful to be in the midst of conflict especially when the other party is oblivious to your pain…when all they see are the things that went wrong. It’s more painful that despite all the stress you’ve experienced, you’re still the one being mocked and hated. When all you wanted to see was change. When all you wanted was to feel welcomed. When all you wanted to happen was whatever was right in the eyes of the community and of God.

I can never, ever stand cruelty. I cannot stand mediocrity. I can’t bear to be stepped on. I cannot stand seeing my loved ones get hurt, confused, and disrespected.

I am a very brave person but I learned that facing your fears by fighting back isn’t always the solution. Because your words sometimes fall on deaf ears. Some things happen, no matter how unfortunate and hurtful, for a reason. And while you are still under God’s cover, believe it or not, are always for your good.

Thing is, this “good” can be enveloped in fear, pain, and tears…sometimes in paranoia. The result: you’re left alone. You can be heard, yes, but that was in the past. Your cries and demands ignored because the one causing fear and injustice must be pleased.

Saving face. Sometimes we are guilty of this. No, make that–all the time. Who wants a speck in the eye anyway? But you know, there is more to life than saving face. To be disgraced is not always a bad thing as long as the people who should really matter to you are heard, understood, and comforted.

I guess I will never understand why people can still be blinded to the truth that change must be done. Whatever one thinks is working is just but a facade.

There is more to life than having a good name, than living in perfect harmony with others. Life isn’t perfect. You have to face your fears and face the enemy. It’s not right to avoid conflict. It’s not right to forget and not talk about it. That cheapens the circumstances…the learning experience of those involved.

They say that when you forgive, you have to let go and forget. But doesn’t it cheapen forgiveness?

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