July 2005 Part 2

Friday, July 08
i want i want


Enough of the drama. Someone’s celebrating her birthday next week and these are only some of the things she so wishes family, friends, and boyfriend will give her. Hehehe..

22 Things I want for my birthday:

  1. Iskin for my ipod.  Ha! I don’t have an ipod yet but I can smell it coming…(oh Lord please have mercy on me..please…please..please….). if and when I get a pink ipod mini, an iskin would be the perfect accessory. Make that white/translucent.
  2. Digicam. I’ve been meaning to buy one. I am tempted. a canon ixus 30 is okay with me…but if you’re generous, I am more than willing to upgrade to an ixus 70
  3. Havaianas or Happy Feet. Whatever happened to Stripe’s promise he’d buy me a pair of Happy Feet…I do not know. Now is the time…
  4. U2 Shopping. The last time I went to ukay-ukay was with Mau last May. Bought a nice gypsy skirt that I absolutely adore. I wish someone would to take me shopping there. Shoot..im such a cheapskate.
  5. New PC or a laptop. Again, I want and need one so I could pursue my many careers. Plus, wouldn’t a new set be a good addition to the garbage in my room?
  6. PDA. Unnecessary but I want one. any colored PDA will do.
  7. Car. A mini cooper or a Mazda 3….dream on…. the closest thing to having a nice car is that of Stripe’s…(baby, my dad’s willing to buy your car for 100k plus his daughter..wahahaha!)
  8. Raket. I wanna go back to being a racketeer. I want an easy one that pays a lot of moolah. God-willing, I’ll begin to do some if that new pc arrives.
  9. Time. I need 6 more hours in my day. I want to : do a lot of things, people to spend time with, sleep some more, work, and etc.
  10. Trip to the zoo,park, or anywhere interesting and educational. Why? I haven’t been to one in years. I’d like to celebrate my birthday in a different setting this time. Besides, ain’t going to a zoo cool?
  11. Gift cert to NBS or Powerbooks. There are a lot of books on my list I wanna buy. I just don’t have the money…rather the heart to spend on ‘em. Bad.
  12. Nice dinner with my family. I wish my sister would be glad to sponsor this since I can’t afford one right now. I don’t remember the last time we went out together as a family. Sadness.
  13. Orange or yellow chucks. I want my second pair. I have this grand plan of collecting classic chucks. Neat. Expensive. Coolness.
  14. Flip fone.  I just want one.
  15. Raise/promotion. I don’t know if this is possible. But hey, it’s a free world..i’m free to dream. Ayt?!
  16. Fine jewelry. Give me some so I can start investing.
  17. Jordi Labanda notebook. I want one! I want one! I want one ! You can buy one from that bookstore in Greenbelt 3..forgot the name. (Wink wink)
  18. New bag. Mango’s on sale sistahs! Buy one for me.
  19. Pair of jeans. I’m getting bored with the pairs I’ve got. Need to update my wardrobe. (Again)
  20. Load. So I can say thank you to those people who will greet me.
  21. Cash. To buy and do all these things. 
  22. A day with Stripe. No explanation needed.


posted by: blueberry010 at July 08, 2005 03:52 | link | comments (4) |

Wednesday, July 06
Death. Grief. Family. Reality.

Last last week was memorable yet surreal. Startling how a single text message can change my emotion. It was so sudden. Unexpected. My world stopped for a moment when I learned that my uncle, my dad’s older brother, passed away. After more than a month of staying in the  hospital, he finally gave in and spent life in eternity.

It was my dad who told me the news. I held my breath for awhile and immediately went to the ladies’ room. I was shocked and saddened. I couldn’t keep my emotions so I had to let it out. When reality hit me, tears began to fall. Nobody knew then that I was in tears inside that small cubicle. It wasn’t for my Tito though. It was more for my dad, his wife, the children, and the grandchildren. I just couldn’t imagine how they were feeling right that very moment.

It was all set. My uncle was supposed to go back to the province the next day. But I guess, God had other plans. I wanted to go home and comfort my dad. He said he’s okay and that we couldn’t do anything anymore but accept the fact.

I wonder how my dad really felt that day. It was him whom my uncle was calling and listening to always when he was still in the hospital. My parents would always accompany his wife and son while my Tito was in the ICU. They’re closest being the guys in the family. I knew my dad spent a lot of time in praying for and being with his brother.

Just before my uncle died, Daddy shared to him the gospel and made him accept Christ as His Lord and Savior. My tito did. What was most touching, was that after they prayed..dad kissed him on the forehead and my uncle suddenly opened his eyes. Scary it may be but I know what that meant. That he understood whatever my dad told him. I praise God for this.

So the rest of the family went to the province to pay our last respects. I remember the first time I looked at the coffin. I just couldn’t control my tears. I didn’t want to cry so I looked and went away. I hated that moment. I couldn’t bear to see him that way. He looked so different. So dead…so gone.

The whole family tried not to mourn during the wake. I saw how each tried to be happy and forget that another member has gone. They wouldn’t say it but I saw the sorrow in their eyes. We busied ourselves in playing with the kids and entertaining the guests. It became more of a reunion. Fiesta even more.

It was altogether different during the cremation.  The family went to Manila to have his body cremated. Now…that was unforgettable. I didn’t want to experience that again. I have yet to prepare myself for such event. I just couldn’t stand seeing my loved ones cry. Sigh.

I know he’s never coming back. The family has to move on. I have to move on. Everything about him will be missed. His cooking, generosity, the unique smell of his clinic…his endless ‘kamustas’, and more.  I’d definitely miss how he would always call me his “Little Miss Philippines’ even when I’m all grown up. I dread how he wasn’t able to meet the boyfriend I’m so proud of. He’ll never get to meet the escort to his “Little Ms.”

I fear for his youngest daughter. I don’t know how she is right now. I only knew that it was kind of traumatic for her when she learned that her dad’s dead. While in school, her ate called her to say that their daddy’s coming home that day. She was all excited and wanted to go straight home. But lo and behold, their dad indeed was back home….only without life and inside the coffin. I wasn’t there but I know I didn’t want that to happen to me. To feel so giddy and excited and only to be surprised that way. During my stay there, I tried to comfort her and spent time with her. She seemed to be okay but there were times when I’d see her crying at one corner.  I was the one who held her while crying during the cremation. Oh, how I felt for the kid. I was crushed.

Death already happened.
There is still life ahead of us.
Sorrow begone.

Now is the time to move on.

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