I’m mabait. i think I am. as compared to those kids who give their parents nothing but problems. I just don’t wanna be ms. goody-two-shoes. i mean, I’m not satisfied with the way I am now. I’m not perfect. I know that. ask my best friends about how naughty I can be. ask my parents how rude I can be. ask my sister how I always snap at her. ask my brother how bossy I can get. ask my Father how filthy I am!!! people don’t know me that well, only my Father in heaven knows the real me. of course, that’s just one of His awesome characteristics.

what I want to say is…im not satisfied with myself anymore. I want to be like Christ!! no. I don’t wanna be God. its so impossible. I just wanna have Christ-like attitudes. actually, that’s how all of us should be. He made us in His own image and likeness so there’s no excuse to become nothing like him. generally, I know I’m okay but sometimes it gets to me and I’m more than provoked to have ‘character’ and ‘integrity’. I don’t think I have those two. I’m an angel but sometimes when the doors are closed or when I’m in the dark, I’m a different person. I hate it when I loose my temper. I hate it when I just snap at people. I hate it when I suddenly raise my voice. I hate it when I’m impatient. I hate it when I sin. I just hate it when I forget that im a child of God!!! I feel that I’m crucifying Christ over and over again. I feel ashamed. sometimes. but I know I shouldnt believe the lies. i shouldn’t let myself be deceived by these thoughts as planted by the Father of Lies. its good though that im learning to hate sin. I used to be calloused but now I feel that I really have to rethink my words and actions, to live in purity and maturity. and for my attitude to be the same as that of Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5) . simply be dead to sin and alive in Christ.

God has been telling me this for the last few months. He’s been teaching me to accept myself and raise myself from the mud. I no longer need to nestle in a place where the Father of Lies puts people. I know that I have to look into the Heavens and take the Hand of my Father. thank God for grace. yeah, there is grace. that’s why im still here. that’s why you’re there sitting there in front of your computer reading this lengthy blog. grace. how much do you know about God’s grace? I know grace. I’ve experienced grace. God’s grace. its my prayer that you also experience God’s amazing grace.

mode | afraid

music | maroon 5 – secret